The Definition of Success

I wrote the following post earlier this week and was initially hesitant to post it. But I have decided to be more of an 'honest' blogger, writing about both the good times and the bad. So here goes!

Last week I had a play date with a friend whom I hadn't seen since High School. In other words, we hadn't seen each other in twelve years. Twelve years. Man I am getting old!

 

She has four kids also, so we took the kids to Central Gardens in Merrylands. What a great place! It was thirty degrees that day, but the park is completely sheltered. We had a fabulous day as we chatted, fed our stomachs, and the kids played under the sun.

 

As the day came to a close my friend turned to me and said  'I must say, of all the people from school who I thought would end up with four kids, I didn't think it would have been you. But motherhood really becomes you'.

 

Later that day, I got to thinking. Would the person I was when I went to High School be happy with the person I had become today?

 

The more I thought about it, the more my thoughts turned pessimistic. I began to wonder if being a mother was enough for me. Yes I still work part time and have a degree, but there was a time when I would have aspired to so much more then that. What had I done with my life over the past twelve years? Had I achieved anything? In a way, I felt that somewhere in those twelve years, I had lost that girl from High School, and had become very ok with mediocrity.

In hindsight, I know I was being quite dramatic. Very dramatic really. But thoughts turn into action. And I know I wasn't a very good mother or wife that day.

 

I told my husband how I felt and where my thoughts were taking me.

 

He listened, let me vent, and then simply replied: "I think you need to re-evaluate your definition of "success".

 

So I ask myself what is my definition of success? I'm still trying to figure it out, but there are a few things I know. I know I want to be educated and that education is a lifelong journey. I know I want to live a good, clean and righteous life. I want to be a good wife. And most of all I want to raise good men. Men that value work, and men that are kind. That's not too much to ask right?1?

So I wonder, what is your definition of success?

 

Two Ingredients

The past few months have been a little crazy for our little family. As an accountant, end of financial year is always like that, but this year seemed even more so. I guess having a newborn, trying to be a good mother and wife (and let's face it, sometimes it's easy to forget that they are two seperate roles!), having four kids under five, and working full time are not entirely compatible. Who would have thought right? (note the extreme sarcasm here).  

 

I often get asked 'how I manage' and I have come to the conclusion that my life is made significantly easier by two main ingredients:

 

1. A supportive, hard working, 'hands on' Husband

2. A supportive, 'no questions asked', 'always doing things for me' Mother

 

That is 'the secret' to how I manage. These two people are what make my life a whole lot easier and I would be absolutely lost without them!

 

Thankfully, things are quieting down at work and I have returned to two days a week. I appreciate my time at home with the boys a little more now, doing the everyday things and getting back into our normal routine. I was about to write how I haven't had alot of time for things lately, but a good friend of mine once commented how she liked that I wasn't one of those mothers who used the phrase 'I just don't have time' (insert dramatic voice). Hmmm she would be looking at me with disapproval right now, as lately, I have pinned that phrase quite frequently! Oh well, it's not the worse thing in the world right?

Oh, and before I forget - we have moved! I told you it's been a busy time for us! It was all really quick and there is still alot of organisation left, but we are now around the corner from Cass's school for next year, within walking distance to the park and shops, and have four bedrooms! The extra space is absolute bliss and I am looking forward to making this house into a home.

 

Ps - Here is a picture I took of the linen cupboard. My linen cupboard never looks this organised so I thought I would take a photo and appreciate the moment!

 

 

Where is the Noise?

I woke up this morning and something wasn't right ... I had room in the bed, it was quiet, I actually think I got the recommended hours of sleep for a change!

What was different? Cassius, Phoenix and Kingston are staying at their nannas. Yesterday Rick's mum had come over and one by one my three older boys had asked to go over. My instant thought as I closed the door behind them - freedom!! I quickly got McCaw ready and we went shopping with mum, aunty Nola and Ena (who are visiting from Hawaii). It was an afternoon of bliss as I remembered fondly the days of only having one child and how much easier it was to get things done.

But now as I wake up without them all huddled in my bed, it just doesn't feel right! I miss my boys!!! No doubt within minutes of them being home they will most likely be driving me insane, but that insanity is the norm for me now, and this quietness just doesn't feel right anymore! 

That Time of Year ...

That time of year has arrived and it is every bit as busy as I remember! That time of year where all I do is work, work and ... did I mention work? That time of year where my boys must wonder who their mother is and my husband gets to deal with an often stressed wife! Actually who am I kidding about the last part - that's me all year! But yes, TAX TIME is very much here and I have definitely been busy!

Last month I posted to my blog 19 times. Today marks the last day of July and my blog posts so far? Two! And hey if there's anything that denotes busyness (is that how you spell it?), then it's the number of blog posts right?

I remember in June feeling slightly apprehensive about tax time approaching. I had been home with the boys since McCaws birth and was finding myself really enjoying it! For the most part of the year, I work two days a week and I also get a lot of time off, so I know I am lucky in many respects. But I do struggle with finding that 'balance'. Would I be a better mother if I didn't work at all? Am I selfish for wanting to work in part because that extra money allows me to do so much more?

Whether a person chooses to be a working mother really is a personal decision and I don't mean to cast judgement on others for their choices - we all have our different situations and ultimately decide what is best for us. But for me, I find there's something to be said about doing something seperate from being a mother. I know that motherhood is my primary and most important role, but I feel a sense of accomplishment that I can still achieve in other areas of my life and continue to improve and be better. That may sound conceited, but I have always believed that we should aspire to something better. That achievement doesn't have to come in the form of employment though, and maybe I am just ranting on to justify why I choose to work ... goodness does one ever feel that they get it right? xx

That Mother ...

We've all seen that mother. The one looking unkempt and flustered, while their toddler is chucking a tantrum in the middle of the shopping centre. The one who pre-motherhood, I would look at and think to myself 'control your child'. The one who post-motherhood I now look at with understanding knowing too well my day would one day come! Well that day came on Saturday...

We had ventured to the shops to take advantage of all the sales. We didn't have Kingston with us, so when Rick had to leave early I decided to solider on without him. Clearly I wasn't thinking straight. But that's the beauty of hindsight, you see things a lot clearer! I thought how Cassius and Phoenix had been quite well behaved lately so why wouldnt I be able to shop with the three of them? Well I thought wrong. The demands were non stop - toys, playground, cake, food. Cassius went one way, Phoenix the other. Add to the mix my five week old baby! And why wasn't my serious voice working on them? That's right - we were in public! Eventually Cassius started throwing himself around when he wouldn't get his way, and realising the situation wasn't going to improve I decided to face reality and go home. The trouble was, the car was parked on the other side of the shopping centre. The walk to the car was one I will not forget. I decided to ignore the ever increasing demands of Cassius and he was not impressed. The screaming started, legs in the air, he was having a tantrum. I have never seen him like that, and was quite shocked at what I was seeing. It was not like the typical tantrums he has pulled in the past. He. Was. Going. Nuts. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Eventually, I just laughed. There really was no other option! I asked him what was so bad to be causing this behavior. He responded 'you are mean to me mum' and begged to stay at the shops instead of going home. I told him we can stay then, and made a very slow trip to the car with promises of toys later on.

To add insult to injury, we were almost at the car and I saw a top I liked. I thought I would quickly try it on over my top to check it would fit as I am still in denial about my weight gain. As I took the top off, I lifted off BOTH tops. There I was, standing in the middle of Myer, in my undergarments. What a day!

Yes, it was an eventful day, but I will now look on with a lot more empathy when I see that mother ...

Ps - The day wasn't all bad, we got home and Cassius and Phoenix were loving playing with McCaw as usual, and I had to sit back and smile. McCaw looks abit unusual in the first picture, but I just love the look on their faces! xx

 

The World of Blogging ...

In April of this year I decided to become a blogger. I have been cautious of public forums in the past, your words can be so easily misconstrued and I do believe some things (such as the intricacies of a marriage) should be left private.

I am learning though that people blog for many different reasons - to have a voice, provide ideas and resources, and the list goes on. My reasons were more simple - I wanted a record of our life with our boys. But now I find myself looking forward to the late evenings, when my little Tongans lay sleeping, and I sit in bed with my iPad not only to record my thoughts, but to read about the thoughts, ideas and aspirations of others. There is so much to learn, be it parenting tips, decor ideas, or just reading about the daily lives of my few friends that actually blog too!

And then there's the ever present topic of motherhood. With four little Tongans aged four and under, it's a topic close to my heart and where I am in need of constant improvement. I feel like it brings out my best, and also my worse. It contributes to so many of my highs, and definitely my lows. But it's nice to know that others feel the same. And I wonder if a mother will ever really feel like they got it all right? There is indeed always something we can improve on.

I have been told on occasion that I seem like 'I have it all together'. Most likely those people were just trying to be nice, but my response: 'you know it's all fake right?'

I guess I will fake it till I make it xx

Front Seat Riding ...

Cassius has now advanced to a booster car seat, and when it's just me and all our boys in the car - he's my new front seat passenger! Actually, it's only happened once, but it was quite sentimental for me and I felt myself enjoying the company and being reminded that my boys are all growing up!

I often find myself wondering what life is going to be like when my little Tongans get older. I am hopeful that they will all stay faithful, be educated and generally good men, but I am realistic that it doesn't always turn out that way. Wouldn't it be great if it did though?! I do hope that regardless of the decisions they make in life, our boys will always stay close to us. They say that once a man is married he leaves his family, but I am hoping we will prove that wrong and forever remain a close knitted family. Here's hoping!! Xx

Ps ... This pic was taken the day we got Cassius his booster. He was quite excited to get it that he sat in it in the living room. Phoenix, feeling a little jealous, decided to get the base of McCaws capsule and sit in that! I love the look of Phoenix's face in this xx

And Then We Were Six ...

Our boy has arrived! Arriving on 15th May 2012 at 12:37am, six days earlier then his due date, weighing 3020 grams and measuring 53 cm - Memphis Taniela Manu. I may be a tad bias but he is beautiful :)

Both Cassius and Kingston were born around the 39 week mark, and as that day approached for this pregnancy I had the feeling that this time I would go to 40 weeks. But just like his brothers, he decided he wanted an early entry. The day gave no indication that I would go into labor, as I spent it cleaning and just hanging with the boys - just another day in our household! Rick finished work early and called asking if I wanted to go to golf (he's seen old couples at golf and has this idea that that is also going to be us one day lol), but I was my usual lazy pregnant self and opted for a nap instead. When he came home we made dinner and whilst I still had washing to fold and organizing to do, I thought 'who cares!', and sat with Rick eating and watching 'the voice'. I remember sitting there with Rick at my side and my boys playing and dancing along thinking 'our life really is good'. I guess that thought was significant in light of how I'd been feeling the majority of this pregnancy, but I'll develop on that later.

Just after 9pm I had my first contraction, and similar to my other pregnancies they were coming at 7 mins apart. I don't really get any build up in my labors - it just HITS. And I've been reading lately about fourth labors and how they are suppose to be easier, so although the pain wasn't drastic I thought I should probably go get some things ready just in case. So I spent the next two hours at home - cleaning and putting washing away, packing my hospital bag and bathing the boys. Around 11 Rick and I decided to take the boys to my mums, and he gave me a blessing just before we left. One thing that he said in the blessing that stood out was to help me have an 'increased love of motherhood' haha ... So much for keeping this blog all positive huh - this blog is giving way too many hints that maybe motherhood isn't all peaches and cream?!? But getting back to things, so we dropped the boys off and got to the hospital around 1130pm. I must admit the contractions were intensifying, but I put on my brave face and wonderful Liverpool Hospital had me wait until 12am to take me to the birthing unit. Once there, I was once again given a midwife who didn't really pay any attention to my labor history. I asked her to do an inspection to see how far dialated I was, but she insisted she needed to monitor the baby first and set some things up. By now, my contractions were quite unbearable and I insisted again that she check to see if I could push. She didnt listen, and even questioned if I was having contractions as her monitor didn't pick it up. When she finally did do an inspection, she realized I was almost fully dilated and just needed to push (this has happened in 3 of my pregnancies, the only exception being Phoenix because he was delivered in the car!). A few pushes later and my beautiful boy was here!

I must sound like such a sook, it's just I've never had a midwife who actually listens to me! They always seem so rude, yet when we got to the maternity ward the midwife told the nurses that I deliver babies 'just the way they are suppose to be delivered' ... Now she decided to complement me? Ha ha ... Anyway I am belng petty and moving away from the fact that I have once again been entrusted with one of Heavenly Fathers precious children.

When I found out I was pregnant last year to say I wasn't too excited is quite the understatement. I remembered vividly the difficulties adjusting to the demands of three children when Kingston had arrived, and that constant feeling of being overwhelmed, not to mention that the physical recovery from pregnancy and labor gets harder every time. I also felt that I was in a place where I was really enjoying my children, and my role as a mother and as a wife. I'm quite embarrassed to admit that for a good part of this pregnancy I concentrated on all things negative. But when Memphis was born all that when aside. I had forgotten ... I had forgotten what it's like when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. I had forgotten that overwhelming feeling of love you have for this precious baby that just melts your heart. I had forgotten that life changes when your baby arrives - be it your first or fourth child. I had forgotten that there is truly nothing like motherhood. And just when I thought I couldn't be any happier, the next morning as I sat with Memphis in the hospital bed, I heard the all too familar sound of little feet runnning through the hospital corridor. The first voice I heard was Phoenix 'where's my mum?', and my boys walked in full of energy and anxious to meet their newest brother. Phoenix and Kingston just loved him straight away, but Cassius looked and asked 'who's baby is that mum?', and I told him he was ours and no longer in my stomach. He came and inspected my stomach to ensure I wasn't lying. Their attention span didn't last too long and within minutes they were causing chaos, but that chaos is all mine and I love it xx

My Son the Thief ...

I was a bit hesitant at first as to whether I wanted to include this in my blog. My initial aim with blogging was to keep a record of my boys lives, and to keep it positive. Do I really want to read about the times they were driving me insane twenty years from now? Well maybe I do :)

Last week I had one of those moments as a parent where I really didn't know what to do. On picking up Cassius and Phoenix from daycare, Cassius asked if he could take one of the toys home. I told him no as he would be back the next day and he could play with it then. As we walked to their lockers to get their bags, Cassius was already waiting at the door with his bag on his bag and a huge grin on his face. Being in my own little world, I thought to myself 'isn't Cassius eager to go home?!'. Lucky for me, my little brother Morgan was with me and was a bit more clued on! He told Cassius to open his bag, to which Cassius replied a very stubborn No! Switching on, I told him in my 'mother voice' open your bag now, to which the screaming and tantrum started. So we forced it open - and there was the toy I had told him he wasn't allowed to take!! I was so shocked that he would deliberately disobey me - I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! I called Rick quickly as I was really unsure if I should let it pass as he is only 4, but hey if I don't teach him now that stealing is wrong, he'd grow up thinking nothing of it. Rick didn't answer, so I told Cassius he wouldn't be getting any McDonalds (huge punishment right?), and his Dad and I would be talking to him later. When Rick got home, he sat down with Cassius and tried to explain that we don't take things that are not ours. Let's hope the lesson was learnt :)

Looking back, it was actually quite funny, and no doubt one of many occasion where as a parent I have no clue what to do! But that's life I guess - you live and learn. And I am especially grateful I have Rick by my side during the journey.

On another note, our Phoenix is finally out of nappies! I thought he would be toilet trained a few months ago, but after a few accidents in his pants and cleaning up poo'd undies, I gave up and went back. But over the last week Rick especially has been talking to him everyday about being a big boy and sending him to the room/corner when he does a poo in his nappy. So i put him back in undies on Tuesday - and no accidents or nothing. I think he's doing so well out of fear of being sent to the corner! Oh well, if all else fails - take the fear approach right! True to form, even with his toilet goings Phoenix does things a little different - he has toilets he prefers and will only use my grandma's toilet at my mums house. I wouldn't expect it any other way! xx

Ps - this picture doesn't really have anything to do with this post, but it's just of the boys watching their dad mow the lawns yesterday. My boys really love their father, and when I think of my life and my marriage, I feel especially grateful that my boys have Rick as their Dad xx

One In, All In ...

My boys are beginning to fight a lot more lately, which I'm hoping is only temporary as usually they're quite close and inseparable. Rick and his brothers are probably the closest brothers I know, and I remember my sister in law Morgana joking once that if her and Gum (one of the brothers) were both drowning, she knew who Lam (her husband) would save first. It was all said in jest, but there's no denying their bond!

Having 4 brothers and 2 sisters myself, I'm a firm believer in the power of a sibling. I dont really have many close friends, and I truly believe that that is simply because my siblings and cousins are amongst my best friends. Then again maybe I'm just trying to justify the fact that I have no friends :)

Anyway I'm going off on a tangent here, and your probably wondering why I titled this 'One In, All In'. I sent Cassius to the 'stairs' the other day for time out. I try not to smack my boys when they're naughty ('try' being the key word here), not because I'm anti smacking, but because when I do I find it brings out an aggressive side of me I don't really like. I also find that smacking really doesn't deter my boys at all! The corner and stairs on the other hand are quite different, and for now are our chosen disciple mechanisms (thank you super nanny!). So getting back to the story, Cassius was sent to the stairs because he had been naughty (I can't even remember now what he'd done). I then went to the toilet and came back to the living room and was wondering why it was so quiet, and where was Phoenix and Kingston? I looked up the stairs and my three boys were all sitting side by side, and upon seeing me Phoenix said 'mum, Cassius wants to listen' ... It was adorable! I ran to get my camera but by the time I came back they were all laughing knowing clearly they had hit a soft spot with mum. I told Cassius he could come out, and quickly messaged Rick to tell him what had happened. Rick has a way of always phrasing things, and he replied "One in, All in".

I really do hope my boys continue to grow up close and remember that there simply is nothing like Family xx

An Uneventful Week ...

So it's been another eventful week! Ok not really, I'm just trying to sound interesting. Most of the week has been spent at home as whilst I finally appear to be beating this cold, my poor little Kingston has caught hand, foot and mouth disease. I should be grateful though - Imagine if all my boys had it! My camera is always close by though, and I've managed to 'capture' a few memories for the week :)

We went to mums on Tuesday so I could work, and the boys always look forward to going to 'grandma's house'. We arrived to a package for my Phoenix (from Aunty Justine) who was more then excited to be opening another present! It was a dinosaur origami book so no doubt Phoenix loved it! I had to take it off him though as I could see he was soon going to rip it, and I promised him Dad would show him how to cut the dinosaurs later (the book is still hidden in the kitchen though!). My sister Justine has been on her mission now for about 10 months, we miss her all the time, but I will write more about that in another post!

As my work day progressed, I walked out of the office to find Cassius with no t-shirt on. I was about to ask him where his top was, however on closer inspection realized the top was really the least of my concerns! See the picture to the right for details :) I suppose I should be happy he had tried to dress himself though - that boy will find any excuse to get out of getting dressed!

One more 'event' from the week: So I have been putting off getting things ready for baby. Actually maybe 'putting off' are the wrong words - I've really just been lazy. I had a little scare the other day though, I woke up to quite consistent cramping (every 5 minutes), although they were only lasting about 30 seconds so I knew much worse was to come if this really was labor! It blew over after about half an hour and a nice bath (oh how I love my baths when pregnant!), but it did make me realize I need to start preparing! So I got my storage container out of the garage for 00000 and 0000 baby clothing (note that this container wasn't touched for my fatty Kingston), and I re-washed and ironed everything. Considering this is my fourth baby in as many years, I do have quite a bit of clothing built up, but I can't help but feel the poor child hasn't even been born yet and is already getting neglected! The clothes are so tiny though and I find myself getting more and more excited as the day get closer. That excitement is quickly turned to fear when I remember labor though :|

Till next time xx

The Independent Child ...

I know as a mother it's important to teach our children independence, to teach them to do things themselves. But I often have to remind myself of this, as sometimes (actually alot of times really) independence equates with a whole lot of mess!

Such was the case this morning at breakfast. Kingston has now decided he would like to feed himself and doesn't want anyone to help him. The pictures tell it all :) xx

Whats in a Name?

I know if Rick was to read this post he would start by asking me if I thought I was a poet? Lol but although I love Romeo and Juliet (where this quote is found as Juliet ponders the importance of Romeo being a Montague) I have to disagree - I think names are VERY important!!

And so with this in mind we have tried to give all our boys a 'unique' name - not too unique that it's weird, but unique enough that they're not going to have another 10 kids in their school with the same name. Also, of equal importance - each is given a Tongan or Samoan middle name - so they remember their culture. And so we have Cassius Konilati (after the great Mohammed Ali and Ricks dad), Phoenix Simi (after River/Joaquin Phoenix and my wonderful grandfather), and Kingston Iakopo (Kingston I just liked the name after seeing Gwen Stefani named her son that lol, and Iakopo after Jacob (but in Samoan).

Which brings me to my current dilemma, what to name our next one? I have the middle name already - Taniela (after Ricks little brother Daniel), but I am stuck on the first! I was hoping for McCaw (named after the amazing Richie McCaw, captain of the Mighty All Blacks) but alas seeing as Rick is very much a Wallaby Supporter, I have been (kindly) told that it's not going to happen. I'm still going to try after I deliver though, maybe my wonderful husband will feel sorry for me and let me have it! I do doubt it though - Rick is usually very laid back about a lot of things so for him to say no, means its important to him. That won't stop me from trying though ha ha. I have been thinking of Memphis but I don't LOVE the name, but maybe it will grow on me in the next few weeks. All the other names I have are ok but nothing that Is really sticking out, so I guess we will see what happens!

If only I was due to have a girl - I have a list of names ready for when she arrives xoxo